Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name
of Common Sense. Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure
early in the new millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth
records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his
life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping
folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over
Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know
when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, and life isn't
always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge,
not the kids), and it's okay to come in second (or even last, as long as your
best efforts were given).
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the
Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends
including body piercing, whole language and "new math." But his health
declined when he became infected with the
"If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades
his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing regulations.
He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers.
His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero
tolerance policies, reports of six year old boys charged with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after
lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even
further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a
student but cannot inform the parent when the female student is pregnant or
wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than
victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to
professional sports. Finally, a woman who was stupid enough not to realize that
coffee is hot, and was awarded a huge payout for her stupidity, caused Common
Sense to finally throw in the towel.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife,
Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by
two stepbrothers: My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral
because so few realized he was gone.